This blog is all about flying solo and living your best life while doing so. That doesn’t mean it sometimes isn’t a struggle, or isn’t a bit annoying. Especially as some of us are solo by choice, some are not.
With many things being aimed at couples and families, it can get pretty frustrating. Even more so when complaining to any coupled up friends won’t make you feel supported, as they (no longer) face these challenges.
We’re not here to relationship bash though, we’re happy for our loved up friends! Though sometimes it would be great if they could just ignore that fact and let us moan a bit about the things that couples may take for granted.
Here’s the shortlist of what couples could easily take for granted, before we’ll dive into them a little.
- Single’s tax
- Splitting household chores
- Emergency contacts and support
- Not having to attend social events alone
- Navigating the (modern) dating world
- Support when handling inter-personal conflicts
- Deciding whether or not to have children
- Having a built-in support system
- Always having someone to celebrate special occasions and milestones
- Balancing work and personal life
- Major decision making
- Holidays and the single supplement
Single’s tax
We can’t NOT start with this one. Being on your own is expensive! Whether it’s the burden of your rent or mortgage, the fact that something like UK council tax is only 25% less, or paying for Netflix by yourself, the costs add up.
This also spills into food shopping, where single portions are much more expensive, but buying bulk isn’t always an option as the food may spoil.
While there are ways around this, it comes with additional planning, budgeting, and other mental workload that a couple likely experiences less.
Splitting household chores
Running a household used to be a full time job. Nowadays, most people work, and when you can split the chores at the end of the day, that really helps.
You could say, but a single person doesn’t make as much mess? They might make a little less mess, but cooking a meal for one or two can use equal pans; but you’ll have to do both the cooking and the dishes.
On top of a fulltime workweek keeping up with the chores can be tough, and you can’t get a break – there’s no one else to pick up the slack.
Emergency contacts and support
This is one most of my partnered friends hadn’t considered, until I had to ask them to help me out. When you’re together it makes sense to have your partner as your emergency contact. They’re usually close, they know all about you, and would be the most affected if anything were to happen.
For myself, living abroad means that I have no close relatives nearby that can be my emergency contact. On top of that, living by myself and being single, it means I have no direct person to rely on.
While I’m lucky my friends don’t mind being my emergency contact, I did find it difficult to ask them. While you hope it’s never necessary, it’s a big thing to ask, especially as they won’t be as close to you as a partner would be.
Not having to attend social events alone
A fairly straightforward one, but sometimes it’s just nice not to enter a room all alone. While there is no issue with it, and I’m trying really hard not to mind it at all – it just feels nice.
You can feel a bit more confident with someone on your side, especially in new environments. It’s also a built-in conversation partner in case the event is just plain boring, and you can’t make a quick exit. Shared misery is half misery!
Navigating the (modern) dating world
Now some couples may know this all too well, and some singles might just thrive on it, but a general consensus seems to be: dating is a bit of a minefield. All the apps have made it both easier and more difficult to find who and what you’re looking for, and it can be struggle.
When you’re already in a relationship, just thank your lucky stars you don’t have to deal with it anymore!
Support when handling inter-personal conflicts
Maybe there was a clash at work, or you having some trouble with your neightbours: having someone else to vent to and discuss a solution canbe a godsend when dealing with conflict.
While friends and family are available, it’s not as instant as coming home and chatting to your partner. Sometimes it’s about physical presence, someone that has your back (metaphorically, don’t go around running into fistfights!) while you’re addressing the issue can be a great comfort.
Deciding whether or not to have children
Now, I’m not saying having children is easy or straightforward for couples. Just looking at it from a logical standpoint, it’s just easier for heterosexual couples to fulfill a want for kids than it is for single people or those in same-sex relationships.
Especially for the singles with a child wish, it can be extra difficult. The decision to wait until you find the right partner? Becoming a single parent brings its own challenges alongside just parenthood, and depending on gender, the journey can be difficult.
As a couple, not only are the decisions a bit easier, you can take and discuss them together, which only strengthens the relationship.
Having a built-in support system
Following on from the emergency contacts and support during conflicts: having a partner means you have a built-in support system. A healthy relationship is built around love, trust, kindness, and care, and achieving goals together.
Whether it’s something small or something big, you can take it head on with your partner, whereas as a solo living individual, you’ll feel like you’re always fighting alone. Any support will always be more distant, both from a location as well as an emotional perspective.
Always having someone to celebrate special occasions and milestones
We’ve previously written about things to celebrate when you’re single, as most “social milestones” are aimed at couples and families. Alongside that, you have an immediate “audience” to celebrate with: your partner.
Even if it’s just a quick congrats or a glass of wine on the sofa, it’s easier to get recognition for your work when you have a supporting other half by your side.
Balancing work and personal life
In the grand scheme of things, balancing work and personal life is something most people struggle with, alone or in relationships.
There are, however, more options available when it comes to those living together. From the split in housechores leaving more time, to the double income allowing for more flexibility, it is easier to balance when two can carry the burdens.
Major decision making
We’re all strong independent women/men/non-binary people, and we don’t need no… you get the gist.
As much as you maybe don’t want to admit it: big decisions can be daunting. Having all the responsibility for them fall down on you and you alone can be scary.
For those in a relationship, being able to discuss the options, finding compromises, and share the mental work can make it easier to get to a decision, and understand all angles.
Holidays and the single supplement
Travelling on your own can be amazing. All the flexibility, no one to worry about or take into account, choosing shoulder seasons for lower costs…. Until you hit that single supplement.
The single supplement is, in my opinion, just another way you are being punished for being alone. While some travel companies are removing or reducing the extra fees for booking on your own, most hotels and travel organisations can add up to a full 100% onto the price, and you often don’t know until the end of the booking stage.
It makes a little sense, as for example, a cruiseship would like to have as many people on board as possible, to buy the extras that make them more money. However, and cruises are notorious for this, you’d have to pay for two people, to have a single occupancy cabin on a cruise.
With food and entertainment being included, it doesn’t actually cost the cruise twice as much to feed a single person – but it is what you have to pay for. Often it’s the same for all-inclusive resorts, making that bargain holiday not that cheap after all.
As a solo person, most of these things can be mitigated or planned for. For those who choose to stay single, they’re also a deliberate choice. But sometimes, just sometimes, it would be nice if it can be recognised when couples take these things for granted, especially when complaining in front of their single friends.
What other things do you struggle more with as a single person, compared to a couple or people living together?