Do introverts get lonely?
Introverts love alone time, right? So surely they never get lonely?
Turns out, it’s not quite that straightforward, and anyone can experience that shift from being alone to being lonely.
Let’s explore what loneliness can look like for introverts, and what we can do to make ourselves feel better.
What is introvert loneliness?
Loneliness is that feeling when your needs for meaningful social contacts and relationships are not being met. The amount, type, and quality of these social contacts differ per person.
We know that introverts prefer more one on one contacts, where they can go more in-depth with someone. If those needs aren’t being met, for one reason or another, you may experience loneliness.
Loneliness can be defined as the feeling of being alone in a crowd, or feeling like nobody understands you.
For introverts, loneliness is a lot more internal than external: introverts may feel lonely even when they’re surrounded by people they love and trust. This can be because of:
- Feeling misunderstood or judged by others because you don’t act the same way they do
- Having trouble communicating with others due to differences in communication styles (i.e., speaking up vs listening)
- Physical and emotional symptoms such as depression and anxiety
What does introvert loneliness look like?
Introvert loneliness is a very real thing. In fact, it can be one of the most difficult aspects of being an introvert to deal with. How loneliness manifests can vary from person to person and situation to situation, but there are some commonalities that tend to crop up over time:
Physical symptoms such as:
- Feeling tired or lethargic
- Feeling pains in your chest or stomach
- Not feeling hungry
- Feeling “empty”
Emotional symptoms like:
- Feeling sad
- Feeling upset for “no reason”
- More easily irritated
- Avoiding contact
As you see there is a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy in place: you may start avoiding contact despite that being exactly what you (unconsciously) need!
This can make you feel worse over time, or make you feel like you’re not part of any group at all–a feeling that’s increased by usually having fewer friends than extroverts do on average.
The impact of introverted loneliness
Loneliness can have a significant impact on your mental health. Research shows that feeling lonely is associated with higher levels of depression and anxiety, as well as greater feelings of worthlessness and helplessness.
Loneliness also increases the risk for negative thoughts and behaviours, from using food to numb that pit in your stomach, to more serious substance abuse.
The effects of loneliness don’t stop there either: the negative spiral can cause a perceived sense of rejection by peers, feelings of unhappiness about your life, and the feeling like you are missing out, but you don’t know how to take action. And so the circle continues.
So here’s how to do something about it!
Coping with loneliness
In order to cope with loneliness, it’s important to help address that gap between the social connection you need, and what you currently have.
You don’t need to set up daily tea chats if you don’t want to. Even more so, it’s important you can do things when you feel lonely that don’t rely on others, because you may feel even more rejected if your friends don’t happen to have the time to meet up right there and then.
Let’s look at some ways to cope with and stave off loneliness:
Join a club or organisation
Whether it’s a sport, a cooking class, or choir, pick something you enjoy and that you can do with others (either directly, or just at the same time and place).
You’ll have something in common to chat about, and showing up regularly is the best way to make new friends.
Reach out through social media (but only if this is something that feels comfortable for you)
Reach out to someone
Messaging someone, reaching out through social media: loneliness can make you feel isolated, and reaching out is the first step to getting in contact!
You can also choose to write an old-fashioned letter, which you can send as a fun surprise to one of your friends.
Exercise
It seems to be touted as an answer to everything, but the truth is that exercise just has a lot of positive impact on your body and mind.
Don’t think you have to go to a bootcamp class every day (though if you enjoy it, why not?), a simple walk around the block or local park can already make a huge difference.
Making your body move also helps reset the mind a little, calming you down and releasing those happy hormones. Just what the doctor ordered!
Practise self-care
Much like the exercise advice, we can’t seem to escape this one. However, there is a reason. It is easy to go into a negative spiral when you start feeling lonely. You stop taking care of yourself, which makes you feel worse, and so it keeps you in the same spot.
Self-care is pretty much what it says on the tin: taking care of yourself. This doesn’t have to mean “take a bubble bath” – grab your favourite book, get yourself that fancy coffee, or go through your entire moisturising regime: take a moment to appreciate yourself. Taking yourself on a solo date is a great way to make something all about you, if you’re up for it.
Find communities online
If your hobby or interest doesn’t have any groups local to you, consider looking for them online! Forums, Discord, Twitch (this blog!); there are so many ways for people to gather over their interests.
While this may not be the “in-depth” social contact you seek, even if hiding behind a username, you can still create meaningful conversation and engage in your interests.
I for one would love to hear what you have to say, my comment section is open! (even if it’s just to say “I hate being recommended self-care and exercise, yuck!”).
The reality of loneliness for introverts
In the end, loneliness is something anyone can experience. Whether you have moved countries on your own (been there!) or just feel disconnected from your social group (been there too!), loneliness is real.
It’s not something to be ashamed of, and recognising and accepting that you feel lonely is important to help you feel more connected again.
Reaching out to friends, online, or perhaps a therapist are all ways we can start conversations and make us feel better again.
Cause trust me: you deserve to feel great.